Dear Marissa,Hi friend.
Let me start with this, I hope this letter finds you while you are day dreaming in our randomly pink bedroom about some day being a rock star while listening to three days grace even though you honestly have no clue how to play an actual instrument.
Oh the adventures you will go on. The places you are going to see, the people you are going to encounter. Being 15 will not go down in the most memorable years list, it will be a year you won't forget but it won't be the one you remember every detail of. That boy you think you'll never get over, well you're over him. That friend you thought was going to be your best friend for the rest of your life, she isn't. That teacher you thought was going to ruin your perfect GPA, he didn't. Those people that made you feel so small, well they don't matter but the people that stood by, well they're still there.
You know how mom is the only person in the world who has called you Riss, well prepare yourself because it's basically going to become your first name.
By 2014 you will have discovered that who you are right now doesn't even touch the surface of who you are going to be. Right now all you think matters is your basketball game tonight and the stats you are going to rake up at your club volleyball tournament this weekend. Let's just say I want you to know that those things aren't going to be your biggest worries one day. I know you can't ever begin to believe that but it's the truth. That game you fouled out and that one ref who basically shouldn't of even had his zebra stripes, you are going to move on from it. Sports wont be everything some day. It'll be a part of you some day, but not every day like it is now.
You are going to mess up, you will lose your way, you will be angry with God more than once and prepare yourself because you are going to make decisions you never thought you would ever be capable of... and you will be disappointed in yourself. You are going to fall in love and then you are going to fall out of love. You may think he's the one, but he isn't. Stop before you believe him, use your head this time not your heart. Trust yourself, and be true to what you believe. Cling to God, people will make you doubt Him, even those close to you. Don't let their actions and words become yours. There will be times in your life where you will try to dull down your magic because it draws too much attention. But please don't do that.
Don't settle. Don't ever think you just need a job to pay your bills. You can have a job that makes you happy, don't let any one tell you different. You have dreams, I know they are in you and you are doubting them right now. Those dreams... you still have them even ten years later they are still there, I promise I've protected them.
Hold tight to the time you have with the youth group. Those are moments you are going to want to remember the most. Take too many pictures, I mean be annoying with it. Don't miss a beat with those people because those are the ones that get you through the next two years. They become your family, why? Because they are the ones that want to know you and they don't care that you like sports more than you like painting your nails. Oh and btw would you start taking care of those because soon you are going to really care about them. Let's just say we end up owning more nail polish than CDs. (get that gasp look off your face)
Okay let's talk about that wardrobe of yours. Put away the basketball shorts REPEAT put them away, seriously go buy a nice pair of pants and a shirt that isn't labeled a "tshirt". I know you are insecure but honestly girl you will regret not taking advantage of fashion. You learn, it's gonna take some, well maybe a lot of fashion no's before you find your home. You will go through the punk stage, the prep stage, the bell bottom stage, the weird polo stage, but you will find what works for you. Let's just say I know because we're there ;)
Your world will change... it will change a lot. You are going to move from house to house and sometimes you aren't going to feel like you have a "home". But you do, no matter where you are, you are home. You will call many places home because you are going to leave pieces of your heart every where, and one day even in New York. Your closest friends won't live down the street anymore, or just down the road, they may live states away..miles away. You will get your license, I know you are freaked right now and just because you failed the permit test the first time, the second time it'll go better. Breathe before you back out and for heavens sake don't cry during your drivers test. Those orange cones won't blow up Megs car. I promise.
Right now I know you have your heart set on being a teacher because you feel it's all you know how to do. But don't cling to tight, you don't know what God is going to throw at you. You have many many passions and those aren't on your heart by accident. You may not understand them yet and you may even be afraid to explore them but believe me they will come to play out in your life eventually. I know you are scared, scared of a lot of things but you will be okay. We're okay. We always are.
Could you do me a favor? Stop trying to be perfect. Loosin up, you don't have to do every thing right. You can mess up, that's how you will learn. You put too much pressure on yourself, you are just a kid, your future is so far ahead of you. Take the time to be 15. Life isn't just about how many teams you can play on, while that is amazing and the accomplishments you have achieved already at such a young age are incredible, you are going to one day feel like you've lost everything because it felt like it was ripped away from you. But know this, you move on and you find something else to fill that emptiness. When you are in that moment of doubt, please please realize that just because its the end of your career, it's just a new page to the next chapter of your life.
Now,
Put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Don't worry about the people that make you feel less than what you deserve to feel. Don't be discouraged because others may be intimidated by you or even scared just because you can hit a volleyball at 100 mph. Don't search for love, let it find you. Keep your heart on your sleeve but don't let just anyone know it's there. High School will be over in two years. College may last longer than 4, just a spoiler alert and you may go to more than one school, but the one you finish at well it's not just a school to you, it's more than that. You are going to gain friendships that are going to feel more like sisters. And don't worry you won't ever fall out of love with concerts or music, and just between you and me, they may become something more than just hobby. Your best friends will change, you will lose touch with those people you can't go a day without talking to on ICQ right now. And I promise you won't be in Chillicothe forever, I know you feel trapped but just hold out a little longer, you're going to find a new home close by. And right now, we're about to find a new home somewhere else but we haven't figured it out just yet.
You’re not always going to know what you want to be when you grow up. As I write this I've already achieved many of the dreams we set out to achieve and I still don't know if I'm where I wanted us to be. We are unique, different. And you are going to see that being different is so beautiful. God's got us and He hasn't given us anything we haven't been able to handle. I know at times it doesn't seem that way but you'll see it one day soon.
But for now keep hanging out in JRs parking lot with your best friends, for goodness sake have fun at the football game on friday night, stay up late watching The OC, keep drooling over Josh Harnett in Pearl Harbor, don't argue with mom when she wakes you up for church on Sunday, play every game like it's your last, remember that first kiss while mom was in the other room, try not to be so shy all the time, hold your nose while dissecting that pig in bio, challenge yourself, stretch yourself, let yourself grow, don't freak out when Mr. Geise gives you an A- on your Spanish test and laugh. Even with all this said, these are specific memories I smile about when I think about when we were 15. So mess up, mess up a lot. I like having those moments to look back on. ;)I love you.
Signed your slightly older and none the wiser older self
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