Beauty of Letting Go.. a year later.

Here it is. The blog post I have been waiting a whole year to type.

January 10, 2013 was the day I decided it was time. Time to make changes. Time to find the beauty in letting go. Time to grab ahold of my life again. Beginning with my health.

I began my first Advocare journey on that day and today I just finished my 4th cleanse. I wanted to start and finish a cleanse in time for this day. I don't want to get into all the inches and all the numbers. I'm not going to give a month by month week by week play by play about how much weight I lost just because that isn't the point of this post. The point of this post is that I did it, I made promises to myself and did not let go of them. I stayed true to my goals, did not give up and did not back down. I disciplined myself and motivated myself all on my own. This entire journey was done by me with the strength of the Lord at my side. I didn't want to have anyone to blame anything on but myself and I can now blame myself for getting to where I am now and that's the sort of blame I'm okay with. :)

This journey was not just about weightloss. Of course it was part of it but the true reason behind it was that I had lost myself over the course of a few years. I had lost passion in my life. I was struggling with who I wanted to be and essentially who the Lord created me to be. I let people run my world and tell me who I was day in and day out. I allowed myself to let heartbreak affect me on too many levels and I gave up on myself. I lost my confidence. I didn't have sports anymore to fall back on, and that was my fault. I let the weight of my personal disappoints rule me. There was no one to blame that on but myself. It amazes me that I can let the world know that about myself but when you have conquered pieces of this you realize that there may be someone else that is struggling with the exact same demons and I for one would like my story to allow someone else to begin a journey of their own.

With all that said, that was the foundation of why I set foot on this journey to me. Even at 24 I had to learn that it was okay to learn new things about myself. To realize the passions that really were on my heart, that it was okay that I didn't know where my life was (and is)  taking me. I'm still working through that just as most people my age are. We are young, and we should be aloud to be young and not let the world tell us any different. Just because most people my age are settling down, getting married, or having kids and have a career doesn't mean I am behind in life, it just means my time isn't there yet. Our lives all work on different time clocks and when the Lord sees it fit, that's when we're brought into whatever part of life He wants us in. Now I am not saying I have this down to an art because believe me I have my good and bad days when it comes to where I am with my life, just ask my best friend Leanda, she knows all to well about my emotional break downs. But those break downs make us human, it reminds us that we naturally yearn for something beautiful, that we don't just want to settle for ordinary. We want to make the most of what the Lord is calling us to do even if we don't know what that is just yet.

Let me talk about running for just a few short lines. As most of you know I have always been an athlete, however from about the end of 2010 to the end of 2012 I lost site of that. I didn't have volleyball anymore or basketball, nothing to focus on. I coached for some time but it didn't fill the void that I had been missing for so long. I have always been able to have sports as an outlet, a place for me to go when I needed to get out of my head. I fell into a slump, not having that outlet I felt lost, sports defined me for so long that I kind of didn't know who I was with out them. Even though I know sports shouldn't define you, it can be a huge part of who you are.

At the end of 2012 I finally reminded myself that that piece of me needed to be found again. That it will forever be a part of me and I needed to tap into it again. Well, that's when I decided to try running. I always looked at it as punishment because that is what it was being on a volleyball and basketball team. Well, it became such an easy sport for me to adapt to. I'm able to get away while I'm running. It's based on pure discipline, a mind over matter sort of thing. Your head keeps telling you to stop going but your body is capable of so much more.

When I realized I could run more that 2 miles I thought well maybe I could do a 5k (3.2ml) so that became my first goal. Once I achieved that I thought well hey maybe I could do a 10k (6.2ml) and as soon as I was able to get to 7 miles I told myself you will do a half-marathon. That's when I realized I was now a serious runner. That it wasn't just a hobby, that it was now what I do. I can just lace up my shoes and run. Headphones in, music up, world off. So beautiful. On October 5, 2013 I ran my first half-marathon (13.1 ml). I ran it faster than I had expected to. My training was probably the most rewarding thing of all, I had the pleasure of experiencing this whole thing with Lacey, I couldn't have asked for a better running partner. It wasn't until I crossed the finish line that I realized how far I had actually come, realizing that 10 months ago I could have never accomplished what I just did. A very overwhelming feeling, of course tears were the only way I could handle the feeling. In November, I decided in 2014 I want to run a marathon (26.2 ml). I begin training in April and I plan to run it in October. I really believe that I am capable of getting to that level and my prayer is that I can just cross the finish line. What's even more awesome about finding running... was coming back home to the Volleyball court. My body is finally back in volleyball shape again and I'm playing competitively FINALLY! The only regret I have through this whole process is that I didn't do it sooner.

I've also become a clean eater. I mean completely clean. I rarely eat anything processed (it now messes with my stomach) and I do not eat out often at all. I'm very disciplined and I'm not ashamed to admit that. I'm at the gym 6 times a week and I run at least 4 of those days. I've become my own competition and I can honestly say it is the most fun I've had in a long time. I love routine and I've been able to turn all of this into one. I only pray that other people tap into this type of living, you discover so much about where your body can take you and learn that pushing yourself just makes you that much stronger. Stop making excuses for yourself, learn to not be afraid and put down all those bad carbs! ;)

It's a beautiful thing to say you accomplished something even when you had doubt in yourself. It took me almost 2 months to realize that I could actually accomplish the goals I set for myself. I was able to check off each one through out this entire journey. And I was able to finally check off the year later "I did it." today. This year is going to have so many more goals and even more directions. I'm not sure where I'm being taken or what road I'm meant to go down but I do know that in this very moment I'm where I need to be. But when May roles around, I'm unsure of where I'll be. I'm letting go of areas of my life that I need to move forward from, even if it is a scary process for me.  It's exciting and terrifying all the same.

365 days ... it took 365 days to earn the body that I had to fight to get back. I'm not nearly done yet and I have many goals to still check off my list. But 2013 I can truly say was the best year I have had in a very long time. I can only hope that 2014 will bring just as much joy, laughter, growth, change and beauty as 2013.

Here's to being on the court again, being a future 2 time half-marathoner, marathoner, masters student, aunt, and an even better version of myself. Hello 2014, it's nice to meet you. :)